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Honoring our Needs within different Seasons
As children of immigrants, how can we honor our needs during different seasons of life? And what about when these seasons attempt to coexist but it feels like they cant?
"I have resolved to live, not just endure, each season of my life." -Lisa boucher
The Soul's Axis
Wow, it has been a while since I’ve written a post! I thank my readers for your patience. This year has been a whirlwind. I’ve been doing quite some traveling, addressing health concerns, and navigating many, many changes. Needless to say, it’s been A LOT.
As the year is quickly coming to an end and I am currently in quarantine (#goawaycovid), I’ve had more time to reflect, journal and process things lying on my heart. I personally do love this time of year, with the magic in the air, the twinkly lights, the generosity that looms from people’s hearts, and the warmth carried by love for one another in the midst of some really cold days (at least here on the east coast!). It’s a special time, but it also can feel like a rushed time. Also a draining time. The holiday shopping, the baking, the planning of many get-togethers to celebrate, and even the anticipation of change with a new year around the corner can bring up a variety of emotions and thoughts. It can be hard to be present.
As I’ve been taking more time to reflect this week, I’ve been more in tune with my emotional state. I started to ponder on the idea of how our lives go through seasons and how it’s possible to experience different seasons of life in different areas of life. What does that mean?
Well, like the seasons that cycle throughout the year, our lives go through different circumstances that can bring up a variety of emotions. Life is so up and down- it can be like spring or summer, where things are blossoming, there are new adventures around each corner and a light heartedness in the air. Life can also feel nostalgic- like fall. As the air becomes more crisp and the leaves start to change color, we can find ourselves contemplating on things of the past and what has changed in our lives. When life seems to be mundane, dragging, and feeling unaligned with our hopes, dreams and desires, it can bring up feelings of sadness and a longing for light. It can feel like winter. They all connect and it can be hard to remember that there’s a purpose behind each season.
Though the holidays are a fun time for most, this time of year can bring up a lot for people. I know it definitely has for me this year. I personally feel more lethargic and less motivated, which can be so difficult when my mind likes to run marathons (anxiety, am I right?). This week in quarantine has already revealed a lot to me. For instance, I didn’t realize how harsh my inner narrative has become, how difficult it’s been to be present with my loved ones and even myself, and also how much I’ve been striving to accomplish with the busier I’ve kept myself. This “mandatory” time off and time alone has uncovered a lesson I learn time and time again- the importance of honoring my needs.
Sure, it’s easy to honor my needs when I am sick. I know I need to take time off, rest, and allow myself to take a break in order to feel better. I don’t feel the guilt of watching Netflix or napping because it’s what my body needs. But why is it harder to honor my needs when I’m not physically sick but emotionally drained or exhausted? Is it because I’m too tired from the day that I’d rather not sit with discomfort? Is it because I’m avoiding something? Or has the busy season taken time from self care and soul care?
Where I'm at
Are there different seasons happening in different areas in your life?
I believe life works in mysterious ways and can fall into place to give us what we need. As much as I hate being home sick with Covid, this time with my mind has shown me the different seasons my inner world is experiencing in different areas, and how important it is to honor my needs as these seasons transpire their course. Here’s what I mean-
My mental state has felt like winter lately. Though some days have been sunny, yet cold, it’s been up and down with many changes that have come forth this year. Seasonal affective disorder is no joke, especially when it visits this time of year and accompanies other hurdles I deal with on the daily- such as anxiety and depression.
My spiritual life has felt like the transition from a long, cold winter to spring- things have been rough but as the snow slowly melts away, my soul seems to be awakening to seeds sown beneath the surface. This isn't easy. My faith is something I rely on to get me through the days and when this area seems to be struggling, it’s almost as if breathing becomes a battle.
My work life has felt like rainy fall days- the imposter syndrome can come over me but the colorful leaves remind me of the beauty and joy I get from working with my wonderful students.
My friendships have felt like a beautiful spring and summer. The laughs I have with my inner circle truly bring life into my lungs, the support we have for one another is a warm cadence, and the unconditional love and gratitude we have for each other is such a gift to be treasured.
Are there different seasons happening in different areas in your life?
Sitting With It
I didn’t realize how many seasons my emotions and self were going through until I’ve had this time to fully step back. I wasn’t able to see where transitions were happening, pinpoint where turbulence was coming from, or even fully take in the hopes and joys that my life does contain. It’s crazy how busy we can get that we don’t realize what is actually happening until we are forced to sit with ourselves. That can be so uncomfortable! Especially since the human heart is bound to feel so much. I believe that it’s important to acknowledge what comes up and that anything unprocessed will remain in ourselves and show up in random places/situations if they are not dealt with. So I’ve been trying to follow the saying “sit with it”. Sitting with joy, sorrow, curiosity, gratitude, anger, etc. can be a difficult yet fascinating process. Sitting with our emotions means pulling those walls down and feeling whatever comes up without judgment in order to accept them as they are and accept the season/seasons our internal world is in. It can be raw and painful, but it’s a step towards taking more fuller breaths and living our lives in a more honest, authentic way.
PC: Anissa Kurian
Honoring Needs
As the earth cycles through each season, she is provided something she needs.
Fall provides time for harvest and preservation.
Winter provides time for surrender, restoration and true rest.
Spring provides time for revival and growth.
Summer provides time for more light, celebration and connection.
As I try to pinpoint the different seasons occurring in me, I have come to learn more about honoring my needs. It’s a weird concept to honor my needs as a child of immigrants for sure. In this collectivist culture I grew up in, it can feel like my needs are not as important as those around me. The voices of the elders and society can feel louder than what my inner state is trying to tell me. Being conditioned to consistently look out for those around me can make it habitual to ignore, suppress or dismiss what that inner voice is saying. It’s been a mental challenge for sure to counteract these thought patterns in my head. As a child of immigrants, it’s so easy to feel guilty for doing something for myself as an individual.
But it’s needed.
And I’m wondering if you came to this blog post to know why you need it too.
Honoring our needs can feel so unusual. After all, as children of immigrants, it can feel like we live with this constant expectation that every decision we make impacts someone else. Even if we do something for self care- like taking 10 minutes to put on a face mask. Our mind can create narratives that those 10 minutes can be spent with a family member, studying, or doing something for someone else because we “shouldn’t” be doing something for ourselves. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s a reality for many of us. But carrying around this expectation is exhausting. When you are convinced you need to pay back those who came before you, the guilt can make leisure or listening to your inner self something atrocious. You can read more about guilt in my blog post here.
Honoring our needs means respecting our mind, body and inner state. It means listening to the seasons and what they are trying to tell us. Honoring our needs is an act of self love, and that my friend is not selfish. How can we give from an empty cup? We can’t.
So what's the first step in honoring our needs?
Intention.
As the earth cycles through each season, she is provided something she needs. Fall provides time for harvest and preservation. Winter provides time for surrender, restoration and true rest. Spring provides time for revival and growth. Summer provides time for more light, celebration and connection.
Intention With a Purpose
Being intentional has helped me to listen to what I need through the cyclical seasons occurring inside. I’ve been more attuned to what I need to lean into- which is consolation for my winter seasons, an open mind for my spring and fall seasons, and space to celebrate the joys of my summer seasons. The biggest things I’ve been hearing from those I rely on for support and need to lean into is self-love. Self-love is needed for the many seasons that happen inside me because I’m human. Intention can bring forth more awareness and attunement. Awareness and attunement can bring forth self-love and gentleness that our souls need.
One of my favorite authors/poets is Morgan Harper Nicolas. She has a way with words as she graciously shares her work in such a unique way. Her work has helped me greatly in the process of changing my inner narrative and attempting to offer myself self love and grace for just being human. In a recent reflection of hers, she shares how it’s important to acknowledge our capacity.
As children of immigrants, we have expectations put on us from not only our parents/caregivers, society but ourselves. That pressure can feel heavy and honestly, suffocating. Add a particular hard season in one or more areas of our lives, and it’s tough to give in the same way we know we are capable of. So how do we honor our needs without feeling that “brown child guilt?”
I think it comes down to being honest with ourselves and showing our selves that same love and grace we would offer a friend going through a hard time. You probably wouldn’t show tough love but have a gentle approach instead. We are worthy of the same love and kindness we freely give to others, even if that feels untrue or like we don’t deserve it. We really are worthy of it.
It also comes down to accepting where we are at and how as humans, we can feel a lot and endure so much. The sun, the rain, the storms, the blizzards- it’s a lot for our inner selves. The depth of life our inner selves can feel is a journey, and it’s also exactly why we need to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion.
Though this year was a lot for me personally,, I am grateful for what has been harvested these last few months or so to support me in honoring my needs with the many seasons occurring internally.
I’ve tuned into…
-Understanding where I need rest and restoration
-Listening to my body for when it needs to move and when it needs to rest
-Intentionally sitting with things, even the uncomfortable emotions and processing them
-Setting the boundaries in place and allowing myself solitude time to regulate
-Leaning into my creativity
-Leaning into consolation and self-love
So as this year wraps up, I hope you take time to reflect on the season(s) you’re in, listen to what you need and discover how to be intentional with moving forward. I hope you acknowledge your capacities in a gentle way, because the truth is, you deserve love and gentleness. The seasons you are going through matter AND the needs you crave to desire also matter.
I have missed blogging for sure, but I have also missed myself more. So thank you readers for being patient with me as it’s been a while. My blog posts will continue to come out- but they will come out in the time that works with my capacity :)
The podcast and changes to the website will come- all in due time.
Thank you 💜
Wishing you all a happy and blessed new year!
Action Steps:
Check out Morgan Harper Nicolas (MHN) Storyteller App! You can also check out some of her work if you go to my support your locals page!
2. Consider reflecting on the following questions:
-What season do I feel like I am in?
-Is there an area of my life that I am avoiding and why?
-How can I be intentional with tending to my needs?
-What’s the first step I can take to honor my needs?
-How can I keep myself accountable to take that first step and ensure it’s not a place from striving but of self-love?
3. Check out this YouTube video of MHN for some inspiration on shifting your mindset: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZ65ZQt1lJs
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